OPINION: We Need to Start Being Nicer To Each Other

By Josh Cook

I feel like bullying and just being a mean person in general has become a little too normalized in today’s society. This isn’t a lone sentiment either, Mr. Hernandez of C07 says “It’s weird because I don’t see the same bullying like I used to. Before, it was more direct and now it’s a lot more indirect so it looks and feels different. I wanna say yeah, [BULLYING] looks different because it has been more normalized.. We used to say ‘stop it, that isn’t cool’.. Bullying used to be interrupted or shut down, people used to speak up against it”, and the thing is that there’s really no way to prevent it. You’ll find hell freezing over before you find anybody within a position of power except for maybe (and this is a big maybe) family and friends actually caring about your issues in regards to this subject and it’s pretty sad to see. I mean, at least be the 90’s jock kind of bully where you shove people into lockers and try to start fights with people below you and then maybe you’ll get your teeth handed to you on a silver platter but people have seemed to abandon that. Why? I’d assume it’s because they’re weak cowards who know that they’d never win such an interaction.

Now, I will say this; I’ve never been bullied before, and because of this I’m not even as passionate about this as I probably should be. But one thing I’m pretty good at is speaking out when I notice something is wrong and bullying is absolutely wrong and should classify as harassment in any and all cases. According to numerous studies, bullying has countless effects on the mind, especially students’ mentals. Key aspects of these effects include but are not limited to several different kinds of emotional distress such as anxiety, depression, panic attacks and insecurities, and in more severe cases changes in behavior such as withdrawal when faced with social situations, the destruction of self-confidence, changes in eating and sleeping habits, avoidance of environments which may lead to bullying, substance abuse and in the worst of scenarios PTSD and suicide. All of these factors are amplified by ten times if somebody is already facing a mental condition that negatively impacts social and basic fundamental skills such as autism, which in itself already makes them a more-likely target of bullying.

There is no excuse for bullying, as made obvious by the effects mentioned prior but it is worth noting that there are explanations. Bullies themselves are often victims of bullying themselves but from alternative sources, such as a toxic living situation at home or outside of school. Sometimes it’s because of the insecurities bullies have themselves, which can make them seek power through the form of abusing those who they consider below them. It can also simply be for power and a lack of empathy, since bullies are often more popular than the average person and aren’t completely aware of the effects it has on the victims. Of course as I mentioned prior these aren’t excuses but are explanations for their behaviors and work should be done to prevent the cycle of abuse and bullying overall even outside of school and especially in households with children.

Now that we have reasons for why you shouldn’t bully, and why people usually bully, I feel we should go over why you should be nice, the effects of people being nice to you, why people usually are nice and what you can do to work towards being nicer. First, the effects of people being kind to you, which are plentiful. Being kind is “subjective” in a couple of ways, one teacher who chose to stay anonymous describes their definition of kindness as “putting other people’s needs above your own and also being polite, having good manners and being considerate” while a student with the initials of AR chose to describe it as “Being nice to somebody even when they don’t deserve it” but based off of what the general definition of kindness is, being “The quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate”, the positives can range from improving mental health in ways that effectively negate the effects of bullying such as the reduction of anxiety and depression, the improvement of self-esteem, optimism towards another day, and happiness overall. It can actually, in fact, help physical health as well, lowering blood pressure and therefore improving heart health and, above all, reducing cortisol levels and therefore stress. As a direct product of all of the above effects, it increases social interaction, helps conquer challenges by making them seem less daunting and boosts a sense of community.

Similar effects are seen in being kind yourself. It shares effects in helping heart health, reducing depression and anxiety, improving self-esteem and optimism and of course lowers cortisol and stress as a result of this. There are other interesting effects as well, though, such as a longer lifespan. Studies have shown those who are kinder to others especially under the age of 55 actually have a significantly lower chance of an early mortality in comparison to those who are bitter, and can even (believe it or not) reduce the workload placed on your immune system while fighting bacteria, helping gene expression and helping your immune system fight off bacteria faster and easier as gene expression helps your internal workings adapt to newer scenarios easier, such as the invasion of bacteria.

Now, in my opinion, most people are kind for the wrong reasons. While there are many who are kind for genuine reasons such as empathy, moral values, upbringing or habit there are a lot of others who are kind for the avoidance of conflict, the build-up of reputation and/or social image, reciprocity, social connections or emotional rewards (feeling better about themselves afterwards). If you are going to be kind, never see it as a means for improving power or reputation socially, or even for any reasons in relation to personal gain in general. Instead, do it solely because it makes somebody else better, with the personal benefits laying in the back of your mind being seen as an extra little reward that doesn’t really mean much, even if it does.

Lastly, as I’ve said before, the definition of kindness is subjective and may be hard to pinpoint nowadays. Because of this, and the fact that I’m not sure what resources people may have that could help them to be kind, I feel the need to list off ways you can be kind to others free of charge and with little labor, being giving away seats to the pregnant, physically/mentally disabled, old, homeless, et cetera, helping carry your neighbor’s groceries inside, giving your full, undivided attention to those who are speaking to you, holding doors open for people (not if they’re too far away though since you’re creating an unneeded sense of urgency by doing this), volunteering in homeless shelters, picking up trash and other pollutants, respecting others’ boundaries, and asking them their boundaries upon opening a conversation with them for the first time, letting somebody else go before you, writing somebody a letter or sticky note to congratulate them and using good table manners at a public feast.